... Why do I even Blog???

First off Alison Krauss is amazing. I love her voice and she seems like a genuinely sweet individual. I'd like to meet her one day. I just finished watching a made for TV movie chick flick type movie. I'm a sucker for anything remotely romantic. Haven't watched anything like this in a while with good reason. I always end up with this sinking feeling in my gut and my chest feels like there's a HUGE chunk of metal deep inside and some supercharged magnet out there in this big world is tugging at it... I understand that love is more than just feelings and that it takes work. I know I have some more maturing to do before i'm ready to give my heart to someone and in return accept theirs. But a part of me still longs for it... and It drives me MAD!!

It feels as though if "she" were here even if I stopped breathing everything would be ok. I would still be able to continue on living without oxygen. That God had put her in my life so that I could breathe underwater. I'm a dreamer and a romantic, but I'm also one of the few who will think about something so logically and rationalize every conceivable situation with my little mind to the point that it will drive me nuts. To the point where I can't act on my intuition unless I know there is a guarantee. Trying to rationalize love is like trying to perform open heart surgery through the sole of the foot... just doesn't work...

I just want to be held. I just want to hold someone close to me. I want... no I need to hear their heart beating... hear their spirit in it's cadence... to feel the love in their warmth.

What is it when you want to hold someone close and protect them from all that you can. When you want to give them all that you can. When you want to help them however you can. When you want to be for them whatever you can. What is it when they are on your mind and after the butterflies have fluttered on you still hold them in your eyes. What is it when you see such promise and beauty in someone. When you need them to know they are loved. When for no reason that can be rationalized you would put your dream on hold to see to it that theirs came true. When you would trade your tongue just to hear them speak. When you would live off of rice and celery... Is this love?

Why am I in a daze. Confused about my emotions. Why do I feel as though my feelings are a betrayal as opposed to a gift.