I've come to realize...

I've come to realize a few things about myself as of late. Some things I will acknowledge others i'm afraid to admit flat out... My heart is soft and vulnerable but it's wrapped up in a diamond shroud. Giving the illusion that my heart is available but it's guarded. Look with your eyes not your hands that are prone to bruise me. But the truth is I kind of want/ need to feel something but I just really don't know how to let someone in that close again. I want and need love. I'm frightened at the thought of being alone sometimes so I hold back some and don't admit to feelings for fear of destroying a relationship I've grown fond of. I've come to realize that I fall in love TOO DAMN EASY!!! Not fickle in the least, but I tend to attach myself more so than others. Commit more to the relationship in most situations. They are a select few I thank God for who have seen "me" and are still around. I've some to terms with the fact that touch is my primary love language but i'm starved for it so much. But at the same time there are moments I can't stand to be touched by anyone but one person. But that person is always too far away. In distance and in understanding of what it is I need sometimes. I love someone that may not love me in return this way yet again. There is another her whose feelings and intentions are unknown now... I feel like I should just explode. All I want is someone to cuddle with. Someone to give my fragile . heart to. Someone I can trust to not intentionally crush the very organ that maintains my life. But willing to accept the bumps and bruises I will incur along the long journey, and looking forward to the day when they dress my wounds and kiss my brow to ease the pain. I don't want to be a love lost but rather a love discovered. All I want is her... But must I move on? Do never let this dove fly into her castle window? Do I simply find another hand? Find other lips that will cherish mine? I've come to realize that I've made a decision to love someone before I know whether they love me. My heart will break... My diamond shroud will be reduced to a fine dust. I've come to realize that my life is not wrapped up in a woman, I can wait a little longer, and that I do in fact NEED love and need to let my heart be felt and vulnerable... I want her hand...